Jump to content

my fanfic


marhawkman

Recommended Posts

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke met Kakashi in the morning. Naruto asked Kakashi "Hey so what's up for today?" "Well today we're going to do some training in the forest." "What? No mission? Training's boring.." "perhaps" Kakashi grinned "but if you never do any training you probably wouldn't survive any missions." "Aww... Okay then. If we gotta do I guess we should just get it over with." "Good." *exit stage right*

 

The four of them quickly made their way toward a spot deep in the woods. But along the way they noticed they weren't alone. A woman was walking out in the open through the middle of a clearing. From her dress she looked like some sort of Mercenary or Ninja, but the fact she didn't even try to conceal herself was suspicious. While they were still wondering, a second person suddenly leaped out of the trees. "heh Amateur, time to get rid of some competition..." he said as he landed directly ahead of her and aimed a stab with a Kunai directly at her face. But before he had time to finish the strike, she'd grabbed his arm and knee and threw the guy headfirst into the nearest tree.

 

Kakashi stopped and stared for a second. "Who is this woman? That guy may have been a loser but she didn't even flinch when he tried to stab her in the face, and that throw move was executed as if she'd seen him before he jumped out." Kakashi then stopped thinking to himself and stepped out in the open. "Hello there, how are you doing?", he asked.

 

The woman looked over at him, "Hello, I see you're Ninjas from Konoha."

 

"huh?" Kakashi flinched in surprise.

 

The woman continued, "why don't you have your friends come out and join us? I'm sure they'd be more comfortable talking out here."

 

"I dunno... There seem to be a few more wandering losers than usual out today.", Kakashi said.

 

The stranger turned and pointed. "I noticed a nice secluded area over this way."

 

Kakashi turned towards Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto. "well I guess we should go and find out what she's got to say."

 

As soon as the four had followed her to their destination, the stranger walked near several large rocks. They stared in shock as she changed them into stone chairs with a quick burst of chakra. "Here please sit down." she then said. "I'm sure you want to know who I am." the stranger continued as she sat down in one of the shairs herself. "My name is Melara. I'm not from any place you've heard of, hence the reason why I'm not wearing a clan insignia."

 

Naruto then spoke up, "Me-- what? What kind of a name is that? I can't even pronounce it."

 

Melara chuckled before replying, "If you ever meet her, you should ask my mother, Striya Nirbak, that. I never really bothered asking why she chose that name for me."

 

Kakashi coughed once before speaking up, "While I'm sure it'd be fascinating to find that out, a more important question is why you're here. You don't seem like you're all that familiar with the area, nor do you act like there's some important reson for your presence."

 

The other three gave Kakashi a surprised look since they hadn't noticed quite that much about their visitor.

 

"Well that was rather observant of you wasn't it?" Melara chuckled, "Well I'm exploring, and this place seemed like a nice place to visit."

 

"So there's no special reason for your coming here?" Kakashi asked.

 

"Well my mother decided she wanted me to help her explore and gave me a device that would allow me to come here." Melara replied.

 

Sasuke asked, "And you came here all by yourself? You seem like a very skilled fighter, but I don't see how you could be that skilled that you could simply ignore the fact that there may or may not be hostile forces here."

 

Melara chuckled some more at this, "Well if you'd ever seen my mother in action you wouldn't ask that. Especially since my mother taught me almost all of the skills she knows."

 

"Really like what? So far I haven't seen any." Sasuke replied.

 

"No? heh, not quite that observant I see. I've been using one the entire time." A small sparkle ripples across Melara and her skin color changes to a deep metallic bronze color, her hair changes to the same tone, her eyes change to a deep purplish hue, and a small red cabochon appears on her forehead. "See?? One of them allows me to mask my appearance. Making me able to take on nearly any appearance I wish."

 

"Wait a second," Sakura blurted out, "So THIS is your true appearance? ewww...."

 

"Now Sakura that was uncalled for." Kakashi stated.

 

Melara interrupted with, "I don't really mind. I think it's just that she's never seen someone who looks like me before."

 

"Yeah that did kinda surprise me too, but what else can you do? You acted like you knew some sort of uber-powerful jutsus." Sasuke said, "That might be useful, but it's not that potent in a fight."

 

"Most of the things I know you would find very difficult to learn, if you could learn them at all. Are you sure you want to know?" Melara replied.

 

"Aww.. Just get on with it!!!" Naruto snapped. "The suspense is killing me!!!"

 

"well if you're that eager...... I guess I can't really refuse." Melara replied. "But I know a great number of... jutsus. It'd take much more than an afternoon to show you all of them, so I'm only going to show you a few of them."

 

"YaaaYyy!!" Naruto cheered. "all right!!"

 

"Wait a second..." Sakura said, as she thought "dumb Naruto, he has no idea what kind of stuff she's talking about." Sakura continued talking with "What if this is something dangerous?"

 

Melara chuckled at this, "Of course it's dangerous, it wouldn't be worth using in a fight if it wasn't."

 

"Um.. we're not going to get hurt are we?" Sakura said as the others stared at her.

 

"Not really." Melara replied. "It might sting a bit but nothing more. Ready?"

 

"I guess so." Sakura replied.

 

"Yeah sure. It sounds fun." Naruto said.

 

"Yes." Sasuke stated.

 

After a second of silence Melara looked over at Kakashi.

 

"Well I'm just here to watch, so what can I say?", Kakashi said as he adjusted his headband across his forehead.

 

"Okay then hmmm... I guess I'll do this one first." Melara said as she started to gather chakra in her hand. "It's simple really. Just gather chakra together and form it into a blade." As she said this a blue blade of Chakra formed between two of her fingers.

 

About 30 minutes later, Sasuke said "Those are nice and all. I can easily see how having all those techniques at your disposal would make you a formidable opponent." while thinking "that paralysis jutsu you used on Naruto was particularly nice", "However you did say something about knowing amazingly powerful jutsus. How about showing us one of your most potent jutsus?"

 

"Oh. Welll that'll be a bit difficult as they're a bit too strong for that." Melara sighed, "But I can think of one that I could show you, it's called Biotransmutation. Hmm... I guess the best person to demonstrate it with would be Sakura."

 

"Wait.... why do you need a person to demonstrate it on?" Sakura said as she cringed. "This isn't going to hurt is it?"

 

"No, it won't hurt at all, just hold still." Melara then held her hand out with the palm facing Sakura. A white glow surrounded Melara's hand and extended around Sakura for a second and then faded. "All done." she said.

 

"But what did you do? I felt a slight tingle, that was it though." Sakura said.

 

"I gave you a bloodline trait." Melara replied.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

More Story!! but not much more.

------------------------

Sakura turned pale and started to stammer, "w-what?!? H-How can you just give someone a bloodline trait?"

 

"It's simple genetics really." Melara dismissively replied. "Bloodline traits are caused by the person having unusual genes. What Biotransmutation does is it changes your genes. That gives you a bloodline trait."

 

"Uh. I have question here." Kakashi said. "don't you need to get the genes from somewhere? It seems to me that you wouldn't be able to simply make up genes for that, at least not in a few minutes."

 

"That's quite true, Kakashi." Melara said smiling. "Where I'm from there's this group of people called Tomans. I gave Sakura a few of their genes."

 

"Umm.... Okay then," Sakura stuttered, "b-but what does it do? I-it's not gonna make me turn into a frog or something is it?"

 

"hehehe..." Melara chuckled, "no nothing like that. You needn't worry about it."

 

"but I..." Sakura started to say.

 

"Well I've gotta go, I'll be back later though. bye now." Melara said as she disappeared.

------------------------

Tada!

Link to post
Share on other sites
(can you feature Hinata in your story at some point? My fav character (aside from Haku (dead)) is Hinata Hyuga... she's cute.)
Eventually they go back to leaf village. I'm planning on having Sakura fight Neji as a sort of demonstration of her new powers.(that and Neji annoys me.) I'll probably have Hinata in there somewhere. Any other comments?
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi looked around for a few minutes after Melara left.

 

"What the... where'd she go?" asked Naruto, "I can't see her anywhere."

 

"I don't know." Kakashi replied while studying the area. "I was watching her when she left and, as far as I can tell, she simply faded out of existence."

 

"Wait a second," Sasuke suddenly said, "You mean you were watching her with your Sharingan eye, and you still couldn't see where she went?"

 

"I'm afraid so." Kakashi said as he shifted his headband down. "Even my Sharingan eye couldn't follow her. But I wonder, she never really said where she was from. I wonder how she got here...."

 

"You don't really think she might have been from a different planet or something?" Sakura nervously said.

 

"Well you saw her face, Sakura." Kakashi replied, "I'm not even sure she's human. I've never seen or heard of someone who looked like that. Wherever she's from I've never been there, and I don't think I've ever met someone from there. At any rate, whe're not gonna figure it out just by standing around talking. Let's go do some training."

 

"All right!" Naruto cheered, "I was starting to get bored standing around like this. I wanna see if I can figure out that Iron Defense Jutsu she showed us. That looked awesome!"

 

*exit stage left*

-------------

More story!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

O_o! Somebody remembered it was here? Amazing! I still need to write the next part.... But I do have a section I haven't posted here yet.

--------------------------

 

Naruto and Sasuke were resting under a tree after doing an exhausting workout. They'd been pushing themselves even harder than usual to make up for the fact they'd spent the first part of the day talking, instead of training. Kakashi looked at them waiting to see when they'd be ready for training. As he did so he looked over at where Sakura was moving into a patch of sunlight. As she did so her skin seemed to shimmer a bit. Wondering what had happened, Kakashi watched her stand there for a while. After a few minutes she seemed noticably less fatigued.

 

"hmmm... Interesting." Kakashi thought. "Never seen somebody recover quite that quickly on their own before. It must be part of that special ability that Melara gave her, but I wonder is that it?"

 

The group went back to training and soon focus shifted to a different topic. None of them could figure out how to copy the Jutsus they'd seen Melara use. As hard as they tried the closest they could come was a bad imitation of the energy blade technique.

 

"I don't get this." Sasuke said. "Without hand signs this Jutsu seem almost impossible."

 

"Well it does seem to require a different approach to Chakra usage." Kakashi replied, "but I wonder, Melara didn't say what sort of Bloodline ability she had. I'm guessing it made this sort of technique easier for her to perform."

 

"You don't think she showed us those because she knew we couldn't use them?" Sakura asked.

 

"No I doubt that." Kakashi replied. "But the different approach they use kinda makes me wonder. I don't think she actually used ANY hand signs at all. Some of the movements she made looked like hand signs, but I don't think they actually were."

 

"So how do we use them?" Naruto asked, "Unless you think it's because she's practiced it more than we have?"

 

"Obviously she has." Kakashi replied, "But, what really got my attention was that Biotransmutation Jutsu. From what I've gathered that technique must be insanely difficult to master. Yet she used no hand signs at all. She meditated for several seconds and then pointed her hand at Sakura. That was pretty much all I could see. The Chakra patterns created were too complex for me to follow."

 

Sasuke spoke up, "So you're saying that if she could do a Jutsu that incredibly difficult without Hand signs then it couldn't really be as difficult as we think?"

 

"Well..." Kakashi continued, "I'd like to think that, but I don't really know. One of the few things we know about Melara's abilities is that she seemed to have an amazing amount of power at her disposal. Being able to use a jutsu that casually is one thing, but doing it repeatedly and without apparent effort is another. At any rate it's getting late. We should head back now."

Link to post
Share on other sites

And now you get to see the next part of the story. :)

 

Soon after the four returned to the village, they were told of a mission that would take place the next day.

 

"Well I guess we should get our rest before our mission tommorrow." Kakashi said.

 

The rest of them groaned slightly as they made their way to their houses. Early the next day they got up before dawn to start on their mission. Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi got up and ready for the mission without incident. Meanwhile Sakura got ready but then noticed that someone was in the house. Sakura's mother found her shortly and motioned for her to be quiet. As she did so, a shadow seemed to move out of the next room into the living room where she and her mother were.

 

"Who the heck is this guy?" Sakura thought. "I can barely even follow his moves." Across the room from her the unknown assassin was stalking her mother. Sakura watched in horror as her mother tried to fend off an attack but failed, and ended up sprawled over the couch. Sakura leaned out from where she was hiding and threw a pair of Kunai at the back of his head. Before she even had time to blink, the ninja dodged out of the way and moved to within striking range. Before she had time to do any more than defend, he'd kicked her over to the balcony and smoothly followed it through with a sword slash, knocking her over the edge in the process.

 

Sakura let out a short scream a she felt a sharp pain in her gut. After a minute or two she looked up to see her mother and the unknown ninja still fighting on the balcony, and it looked like her mother was losing. Sakura could feel that her chakra wasn't flowing right but she couldn't tell why. After concentrating for a second, she managed to channel some of her chakra into a branch near the mystery ninja. The branch then reached out and grabbed the ninja's arm as he went to attack again. As soon as the assassin stopped to look at it, he got nailed by a roundhouse kick to the back of the head by Sakura's mother.

 

Sakura looked over at where her legs were laying then looked up at her mother, "I'm gonna die aren't I?" "No no, don't say that dear. you're gonna be fine." "What? I got cut in half, mother. How could I be okay?" "erm.... Well, you're not bleeding. The wound kinda turned green instead of bleeding." "huh???" Sakura's mother then smiled, "Yeah you're gonna be okay, if you were mortally wounded I doubt you'd be this talkative."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not really favorite... I just picked her because she's the one that seemed most interesting to put in this kind of situation. I even came up with a fun way to work Ino in. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Actually I write all the segments in Notepad. :P Ino is gonna be it because well... she only really acts like a jerk when she's doing some dumb competition with Sakura. I recently thought of something interesting with Tenten too not really sure about it though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

(BTW for this section I decided to call Sakura's Mother "Ayane" simply because doing it the other way got old fast)

 

Ayane wiped her eyes as she started to pick up Sakura.

 

"Hey where'd that guy go?" Sakura said.

 

"Oh he's tied up at the moment. It actually took longer to cut the Tree branch off his arm than it did to tie him up." *starts carrying Sakura back into the house*

 

"Whoa... I didn't know it would grab him THAT tight." *looks over at a 1-inch tree branch that had wrapped itself around the assasin's arm.*

 

"Heh I guess that Melara wasn't kidding about giving you a bloodline trait. 1: You're not dead, and 2: manipulating plants like that is something most people find to be rather difficult."

 

"Really? I guess that's why it wasn't part of the instructions at the academy, I don't remember them mentioning it at all..."

 

"Yeah not many people who CAN do that. And you somehow managed to figure out how to do it in one day. Well we're in your room now what? I can't simply glue you together." *puts Sakura on the bed.* "Well I guess I'll start by seeing what happens if I put the peices together."

 

Yeah that section was short. I'll do more later.

 

BTW the Idea with Tenten was for a person who actually knew Striya well to add a few bits of Striya's DNA into Tenten. thus making it so she can Zap people with her eyes, and a few other neat tricks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I'll probably write a new section tonight and post it tomorrow morning.

 

BTW current plans:

A person named Susanna la Phantasma resurrects Kin Tsuchi and gives her an ability that makes her near impossible to kill.

Some guy who was there to watch Sakura fight Neji gives Ino ice powers.

Tenten starts fretting about how ninjas with bloodline abilities are "superior" to others. At which point a person who had actually gotten invited to be there(Kara Bourgeious), uses her powers to give Tenten some of Striya's DNA.

Temari shows up at the leaf village unexpectedly, and gets into a fight with Tenten. An uninvited guest uses his powers to augment Temari ("to make it a fair fight").

Ino goes wandering around trying to figure out how to use her new abilities best.

Ino then wanders into Kin Tsuchi and promptly tries to kill her thinking she's still working for Orochimaru.

After Tenten and Temari quit fighting Temari meets Kin and they go back to the sand village.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I finally went and wrote a new section. the last two need rewritten badly. :(

 

The next morning sakura was sleeping in her bed, when she was awakened by a knocking on her door. "who's there?" she said.

 

"Kakashi, Naruto and Rock Lee are here to see you, dear." Ayane said.

 

"Let them in..."

 

"Hey how are you feeling?" Kakashi said.

 

"Better, I can move almost normally now." Sakura said as she started to slide out of the bed. As she did so the group in the room noticed a bright green scar just above her waist.

 

"Oh no!!" Rock Lee exclaimed. "They really weren't joking when they said you got cut in half were they?"

 

"Nope, afraid not." Sakura replied. "It didn't really hurt all that much though..."

 

"I wish I could have been there to stop him.." Lee practically cried.

 

"I dunno..." Kakashi said, "there's a good chance that if you'd been there we'd be putting flowers on your grave instead of giving you a "get well" card."

 

"Hmmm I guess Kakashi-sensei has a point bushy-brows." Naruto said laughing, "Knowing you you'd have jumped in front of the guy's sword."

 

"NARUTO!!" Sakura yelled out. "That was uncalled for!"

 

"ermm.." Naruto said as he looked over at Lee, "sorry I guess I got carried away there." "But..." Naruto said as he looked over at Sakura, "so what else can you do? Other than putting youself back together?"

 

"Uh.. I haven't really had much time to practice." Sakura replied. "All I've actually felt up to was playing with some of the flowers people gave me." Sakura then picked up a rose and they watched as it wrapped itself around her arm.

 

"Well that's kinda lame..." Naruto started to say before Sakura went to hit him.

 

"Huh??" everybody said almost in unison as the rose Sakura'd wrapped around her arm suddenly reacted to the rush of Chakra and wrapped itself around Naruto's throat.

 

"Okay..." Kakashi said hurriedly, "I was gonna point out that Sakura'd made a rather good amount of progress already, but that'd be redundant now..."

 

"I'll say.." Naruto replied as he struggled with the vine around his neck. "Get this thing off of me!!!"

 

"Um sure...." Sakura said as if slightly dazed. She then focussed for a second and the rose went back to the way it was before.

 

"Wow... this is interesting. I thnk Naruto's the only person I've ever seen annoy my daughter quite that badly." Ayane said, right before everybody in the room suddenly turned to stare at her as if they'd forgotten she was there. "Anyways let's go wait downstairs while she gets changed shall we?"

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Well, the dialogue is a bit toonish, not too realistic. Fanfics are supposed to be based around your own real dialogue and the creativity your force into it, not based directly off of a show through episodes, so you can add in your own realistic ideas there.

 

Secondly some of the quotes were bunched together. I know this is informal writing, but even in fanfics you can't have this:

 

"Hey so what's up for today?" "Well today we're going to do some training in the forest." "What? No mission? Training's boring.." "perhaps"

 

There needs to be a series of pauses in between quotes, such as

 

"Hey so what's up for today Whomever asked) "Well today we're going to do some training in the forest." Said Kakashi with a smile. "What? No mission?(Pause - Then) Training's boring.." (Pause) "perhaps"

 

By the by, a 'Pause' is the description of a character as they speak, like She said, He exclaimed, They wondered, etcetera.

 

A bit too much dialogue over necessary description, which is significant in a fanfic.

 

It's decent.

 

Happy Writing ~

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I finally typed up another section.

 

Meanwhile two female figures suddenly appeared hidden within the branches of a nearby tree. Both were tall with dark green hair and green skin, but one was heavily muscled and the other considerably less so.

 

The larger of the two looked around for a few seconds before speaking. "We're not alone here."

 

The smaller looked stunned for a second before replying. "What do you mean? We're in the middle of a city!!"

 

The larger sighed and replied "Rossa.... that's not what I meant. Of course we're surrounded by the inhabitants of this place. But there's someone here who doesn't belong, probably someone from where we're from."

 

Rossa looked scared for a moment then said, "Wait... Kara, ma'am, isn't Melara supposed to be here?"

 

"She's going to be here, but not just yet. In case you forgot she didn't exactly invite us." Kara replied. "And if we were able to get here then somebody else probably did too."

 

"But I thought it took somebody with your skills to do something like that..."

 

Kara ran her fingers through her hair breifly before replying. "I'm one of the best, but I doubt it'd take quite that much skill simply to find this place. It'd take mostly a combination of strong senses and good data aggregation skills. the abilities required don't really even need to be weilded by the same person."

 

Rossa turned and looked around with a terrified look on her face.

 

"Relax." Kara commanded. "I doubt they're here to cause trouble. Besides, there's really not that many who can do that AND hide from me. But once again it's not required that the person be both."

 

"Oh.. great... We're in a strange dimension, looking for the daughter of "The Destroyer", and we need to worry about getting attacked too...." Rossa whimpered.

 

"You REEAALLYYY spend too much time in the library. Quit worrying already. It's not as bad as you seem to think. In case you forgot, I know most of the people that could do this. I know Melara and Striya personally."

 

"WHAT?!?! Why did you want to get to know Striya the Destroyer???"

 

 

Not quite done yet.....

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Hehe. Here's more!

 

"That's a bit complicated, but let's just say that when you specialize in studying combat, you can't really avoid challenges.", Kara replied with a sage-like look on her face.

 

"Huh? I don't get it...", came the slightly dazed reply.

 

"It's simple." came the exasperated reply. "A warrior doesn't always get to choose their battles. Choosing your battles is one thing, but constantly avoiding challenges is another. If your skills are never used in situations where you're not sure how effective they'll be, you'll eventually find yourself to be very one-sided and only effective as a fighter in certain situations."

 

"But why Striya? She's not the only one...." Rossa wondered outloud.

 

"It's a bit complex.. I'll explain some other time. Right now we have other things to do." Kara replied. "Let's go find this "Sakura Haruno" that Melara was talking about."

 

The two turned and walked under a tree in the direction of Sakura's house. As soon as they had stepped into the shows under the tree, a huge figure dropped down hanging from one of the branches. Rossa quickly shreiked as the dark green figure quickly spread a pair of wide bat-like wings open to reveal a green scaly humanoid figure around 8 feet tall.

 

"hmm, so why are you here?" Kara calmly asked, "I didn't see you on Melara's guest list."

 

"What? You were able to acquire the entire list?" the figure said. "You must be good if you could hack the transmission that well."

 

Kara stood there and stared with a grin on her face for a second before replying. "And? In case you hadn't noticed I'm not the only one."

 

"I heard what you were saying earlier, but how do you know it wasn't me?"

 

"Simple. I was able to track you. Whoever else is here I haven't been able to track them down yet. But I know there's at least two of them." Kara replied with a smirk on her face.

 

"Oh... I thought I felt something weird. I didn't really think it could be THAT." the figure replied.

 

"Erm... Just a minute..." Rossa spoke up. "Who are you and why are you here?" she demanded.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...