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Marrowfrost

I need some advice for my story

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I've been working on a Dragon Quest/Warriors crossover story for awhile and last week I decided to make a Fanfiction.net account. I posted the story on it already, but I don't know if my story is actually good or not. And I'm not entirely sure what I want to do for the plot.

The fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12927391/1/Dragon-Warriors-Dark-Winds

It'd be nice if I could get some suggestions for my story, I have no idea on what to do. (I'm also planning another one, but that one's another story)

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Don't worry too much, early writing always has bumps to iron out. Keep it up!

Some things I'd suggest:

-Take your time with introducing your characters. You bring in over a dozen characters in two chapters without introducing them, which makes it hard for the audience to follow who is who. (Take some notes from DQ; notice how you never actually end up with the whole party in the beginning, and each new major character gets roughly an entire chapter that allows the show to illustrate the basics of who they are and what they do).

-Also take some time to establish your setting: what it's like, what the people are like and what they do. You do a bit of this regarding inter-community tensions in the second chapter, but take some time to really let us know what the world is like.

-The story doesn't need the giant list of alliances laid out in chapter 1; that's something that can be established in the story. The audience has no idea what you're talking about, and is therefore going to be less interested.

-A question: is it absolutely necessary to have characters travel from one universe to another? Could you set this conflict on a single world? (It would be much easier building one world rather than building two).

If you want to figure out what to do with your story, figure out what the conflict is. See if you can find ideas that are both true but seem to be opposed and think of everything your characters think and do regarding which one they think is better -- that's your plot and drama. (A simplistic but useful example I've seen proposed elsewhere for this kind of exercise: "We need to get to grandma's house for dinner or she'll be mad" vs. "We're starving now and we're hours away, so let's pull over and get something to eat.").

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Thank you for your suggestions. However it's sort of impossible for me to write my story in the format you suggested.

- Whenever I do a crossover fanfiction with Warriors or Warriors one in general, I often use the traditional format for the first chapter. I do this because it makes more sense if it takes place in the Warriors universe. And there's way too many cats to have a chapter introducing them, but I do plan on doing that for the other main characters (the ones besides Joker, Ace and Solitaire) and possibly some side characters too, since in the books you don't see them that often. The other reason I do this is because it helps me keep track of who's in which Clan, and what their pelt color is when I'm trying to describe it in the story. This makes it so I don't forget who is who, what their fur color is and what their rank is during the story. And I will introduce the other main characters separately anyways, because the other main protagonists are in other Clans anyways.

- I will try to establish the setting more in Chapters 2, 3 and 4 because that's when I wanted to add in some more cats from ThunderClan and RiverClan since their closest. But not like grand entrances, just when one of the three major characters is out of the WindClan camp and experiences a border skirmish. Since that's a normality in this world, it'll actually give Joker, Ace and Solitaire more insight on how the Warriors world works and how WindClan gets along with the other Clans, because that's something that needs to be put in as well.

- I prefer transporting the main character(s) to a different universe because it's simpler for me to send the characters to a different universe and for them to stay there for the majority of the story. And I also did this because I wanted it to take place in more of the Warriors world and that it's easier for me to write in the Warriors universe; I'm more used to writing about fictional cats for now. And it would give the general Dragon Quest audience a taste of what the Warriors world is like. (Really though, how often do you meet someone who likes both Dragon Quest and Warriors? Not very often.) But I would do flashback chapters that are relevant to the plot instead, so both audiences of both fandoms can get a feel for the opposite world from what they're used to as well.

For the conflict, I believe I'll use the major plot of this part of the timeline in Warriors. I'll put it in a spoiler tag, just in case.

Spoiler

I plan on using the Dark Forest rising and attacking the Clans, but with some very major differences, because of Joker, Ace and Solitaire's intrusion. That might be redundant, but I'm trying to change up that story arc more so the outcome of the story is different than what happens in the books.

 

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It wasn't my intent to suggest you strictly introduce them one by one with a chapter each, you can introduce them in discrete groups of twos or threes or whatever. The point of the introduction is to give the audience an image of the character that they can wrap their heads around; enough time to get to know the characters so they can follow and understand their problems and dynamics. If you're up for reading suggestions, the Redwall series consistently does a good job of managing characters in groups.

And the character sheet isn't a bad thing itself, it's only bad as part of the published story -- you're perfectly free to keep your notes with you for reference, it's just meaningless to the audience and probably a turn-off.

Otherwise, go for it. Practice makes perfect.

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On 5/8/2018 at 6:15 PM, JaybirdC said:

It wasn't my intent to suggest you strictly introduce them one by one with a chapter each, you can introduce them in discrete groups of twos or threes or whatever. The point of the introduction is to give the audience an image of the character that they can wrap their heads around; enough time to get to know the characters so they can follow and understand their problems and dynamics. If you're up for reading suggestions, the Redwall series consistently does a good job of managing characters in groups.

And the character sheet isn't a bad thing itself, it's only bad as part of the published story -- you're perfectly free to keep your notes with you for reference, it's just meaningless to the audience and probably a turn-off.

Otherwise, go for it. Practice makes perfect.

(Haven't had a chance to reply until now)

Thanks for explaining that more clearly. Although whenever I do something related to Warriors, I always do the character list because that's how they do it in the books, and I want to keep certain elements in Warriors when it's related to such. But whenever it's something else, I don't bother with the lists.

 

Currently, I'm not working on that one anymore. I might return to it when my other projects are completed. Right now I don't have the actual time to, either since I'm working on two more stories that I plan on finishing.  One of them is another Warriors one, but it's not as important as the other one at the time. The other one is for a different game, and it takes up a lot of my free time. (I do enjoy writing it, however.) That one, I didn't do a list first because it wouldn't make sense for that fandom. Instead I jumped right into chapter one.

 

I only kept the character list so I could have aspects from both Dragon Quest and Warriors. But if I ever do a different Warriors + Dragon Quest story again, I'll probably leave the introduction out because at times it's very irritating to write out. (Copy and paste doesn't work for me all that well.)

 

Thank you for the advice. And honestly, my writing now is a lot better then what it was then. Chances are I'll probably rewrite the story, anyways.

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