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Liamland

Bad Dragon Quest Endings

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In the nature of @midnight's crowd-sourced comedy hashtag wars (Monday-Thursday nights) here's a pseudo hashtag war called Bad Dragon Quest Endings.  The idea is to come up with a few short sentences explaining a less-than desirable ending for a DQ game.  It could reference a point in the middle of the game if you want, and then you cut it short, or you could mention a real ending and modify it.  It's up to everyone's creativity.

 

Please no long paragraphs.  Anything longer than two lines for this game is officially TLDR.

 

Here's my first entry, inspired by my replay of DQV-SFC:

 

And then our intrepid heroes decided to take a break at the casino.  There, they became gambling addicts, forgot their quest to overthrow the evil high priest, lost all their money, and died of dysentery.

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DQ6

In a fit of a drunken stupor, the king falls off a balcony in Somnia, but survives, instead falling into a coma.  The prince, now the Hero of the world, goes in search of answers, and secretly, to find Ashlynn, the fiery flirty vixen who captured his other heart.  However his journey would be fruitless, as, horny, lonely, and without answers for healing his father or a way to return to the Dream World...and with Zenithia no longer answering his summons, he wanders to a local pub in Gandino, and is captured by the mob.  The Gambino crime family, unable to find legitimate industry, and unwilling to chance the sex slave trade, lest the king come down on their heads again, have resorted to...plain ol' slavery.  One of their first victims is the broken, lifeless husk of a Hero unable to reprove his worth, intelligence, and ability to save even his father, as he had saved the world.

 

Carted away to a mine, set in chains, the Hero's fate remains unknown to this day.

 

Years later, the queen, bereft of husband, her son dead, many of her soldiers missing in the endless search, dies of exhaustion and heartbreak.  Somnia breaks down into chaos, and soon monsters run the streets, pouring out of the Well below town, a Well that should've been cleaned out years ago.

 

As blood runs through the streets, the people wonder how such a great victory could end in such tragedy...the world turns on its head as the strongest kingdom can no longer hold back the tides of crime, and rumour spreads that the Hero has been killed.  Monsters, and men of malice and mischief run rampant in the real world...Mortamor looks on from his own grave, pleased, and ever growing in power, hoping to rise once more as a dark lord renewed.

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DQ VII

 

After 120 hours you go fishing.

 

Oh, wait... That actually happened!

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DQ VII

 

After 120 hours you go fishing.

 

Oh, wait... That actually happened!

Yeah...not gonna lie, I was kind of disappointed that this was the ending. After listening to Triumphant Return numerous times before beating the game myself, I thought the ending would be something grand... :/

 

 

Anyway, here's mine for VIII:

 

The hero is forced to watch his dear Medea be married to Charmles and leave for Argonia. Falling into a depression, he leaves Trodain and his friends behind him, with only a mouse to keep him company...

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DQ VII

 

After 120 hours you go fishing.

 

Oh, wait... That actually happened!

 

Haha.  It's almost what you'd expect from a fisherman's son from Fishbel.  Maybe he just wanted to wind down.

 

Here's another one:

The hero, carrying Princess Gwaelin, trades her to Dragonlord, for Charlock castle.  Dragonlord carries Gwaelin to a nearby inn, where he promptly But Thou's her Must.

Edited by Liamland

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Dragon Quest I

 

The princess rejects you and marries the nice Jewish boy from across the street.

 

You return to your hometown and fall for the girl who lived next door who returned home after a failed acting career to find herself, only to find you in the process.

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DQV

 

It turned out that the Zenithian Sword was a fake, and Nimzo had a delightful dinner of Zenithian Entrails.

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DQIII

 

Baramos, who hadn't eaten for years, suddenly had a delicious meal of gizzards appear before him one day. It was indeed a fine feast of ghastly gizzards.

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DQV

 

The young boy traveled with his sister and uncle find the statue of his father. OOPS! He knocked it over and it shattered.

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Roto Trilogy:

 

All the construction workers of Alefgard get together & go on strike after monsters once again destroy the town of Brecconary, forcing the workers to repeatedly rebuild the town in different locations around castle Tantegel. It's an ending where the game makers finally reveal the reason for the castle-to-town location discrepancy between DQI, II and III.

Edited by Liamland

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DQVIII

 

The hero, desperately trying to defeat the enemy, feeds his grandfather mouse some spicy cheese and dies from the stench of Munchie's fart.

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The heroes fight God and lose, because he's God. The heroes are cast down to the pits of hell for challenging Him, where they're promptly made fun of by all the demons because of their previous team nickname: The Warriors of Eden.

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DQV

 

An earthquake triggers a tsunami, wiping out all the residents of Gotha, including the Zenithian Hero.

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DQI

After making his way through Charlock castle, the hero reaches the throne room only to find a note.  The note reads: "Sorry, but our DragonLord is in another castle."

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DQIV

 

The hero gets distracted by Maya's exotic dancing and refuses to continue on the journey. He adopts a life of watching strippers, gambling, and coitus with Maya and sometimes Meena too.

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V

 

The hero cheats on his wife with Deborah and beheads his ex-wife.

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I

 

The hero decides to join forces with the DragonLord and together they set the world ablaze.

 

V

 

The hero cheats on his wife with Deborah and beheads his ex-wife.

You have my approval.

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V

The Hero goes to the first Casino and channels his inner Maya, never leaving the thing again, eventually turning into a stripper to fuel his addictions and habits. Saber becomes a bouncer.

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DQI

After making his way through Charlock castle, the hero reaches the throne room only to find a note. The note reads: "Sorry, but our DragonLord is in another castle."

You win this thread with that one. Game. Over.

V

 

The hero cheats on his wife with Deborah and beheads his ex-wife.

I'm completely flummoxed by this one. So, you're saying the Hero gets married, then divorced (because you mention an ex-wifw), and then remarried. At some point he's feeling an itch, so not only does he go and cheat on wife #2 with Deborah, but he feels the need to behead his ex-wife too? Wow. Poor wife #2. Now she's married to an adulterer AND a murderer. I wonder what that prompts her to do?

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The Chaos Ending:

Bianca is the second wife and retreats to the country with her children. She's a wanted fugitive.

 

The Chaos-Neutral Ending:

Nera is the second wife and sheepishly accepts her fate, as she's used to her sister taking her things from her.

Edited by eal

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The Chaos Ending:

Bianca is the second wife and retreats to the country with her children. She's a wanted fugitive.

 

What'd she do to become a fugitive? Leaving an adulterous murderer doesn't make one a fugitive.

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The Chaos Ending:

Bianca is the second wife and retreats to the country with her children. She's a wanted fugitive.

What'd she do to become a fugitive? Leaving an adulterous murderer doesn't make one a fugitive.

 

Treason against the king.

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That's the ending that surprises you?

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