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Aoibara

Revius ~ç ´å£Šç„¡æ˜Ÿç©º~ Permanent Starry Sky

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This is a story which is filled with official characters who have friend relations with OCs, DO NOT READ IF YOU HATE SUCH THINGS.

 

To clarify it, non of my OCs are in love or coupled with the official characters.

 

Enjoy the intro

 

Revius ~破壊無星空~ Permanent Starry Sky

 

Introduction

 

It was a year after the Secret of Evolution was forgotten. The village of Rosehill grew slightly larger; it gained a beautiful library which had a large and elaborate penthouse on the top of it. There lived the beautiful half mazoku half human librarian, Slur Cantabille. She is usually known as the Great Librarian of the Crescent Moon, due to her family's symbol of being the crescent moon. At the library during the day time, the residents say the library is rather cheery and filled with laughter of children after they heard one of Slur's jokes. The library was also the only known school in the small village, children of all ages come to Slur's library to learn about history, math, writing, reading,etc. However, at night time, the library becomes quite eerie due to the fact that there are no lights in the library, only dim, haunting candles and glowing red eyes of either Slur or Saro. If you run into those glowing eyes of Slur, then it would not be so frightening because Slur is very kind, graceful and elegant like the calm water. Running into Saro is slightly intimidating due to his sharp shaped eyes, still filled with slight hatred of humans as well as his pale skin making him slightly ghostly. The reason Saro often goes into her library at night is because Saro is rumored to be more active on night times and sleeps during the day time. It is also the time when Slur's chief maid Sakura, a ghost is also more active, along with her pet nekomata, or a mosnter cat Hei starts looking around her library. Don't worry, running into Sakura or Hei isn't so bad, since Slur's library is actually open 24 hours. So enter any time, but if you are a scaredy cat, go at the daytimes.

 

Well, the other reason Saro often comes to Slur's library is because these two mazokus are very close friends, despite they were mortal enemies in the past. In the past, when before Slur was born, her father, the mazoku betrayed and killed Saro's family when Saro was small in his age in the front of his eyes. Then, when Slur became 16 in her counting, Saro wiped out Slur's family as a revenge. So, this triggered the two to have a great war between each other for killing each other's parents and were expected to fight each other once a month to kill. Then, Slur felt sympathy for Saro, and the two became rather unlikely friends. Though they are close friends, they always fight about anything, even something very small all the times.

 

The crescent librarian is noticed for her long pointy ears resembling an elf, red eyes which represent the Pandemonic world where her father's side came from. She has a long, turquoise hair similar to the gemstone itself. Usually, she wears a nurse-like cap with a crescent mark on it, along with a pajama like long skirted dress in the color of baby blue with frills and ribbons. She is also notably a giant; reaching the height of two meters.

 

The other thing Rosehill gained is a large newpaper company headquarters, called the Hane Hane daily, whose founder and chief editor is a fallen Zenithian, Balthazar Estrella. Balthazar is also glad to see you, and he is now asking you to if you like to be on the photo for his newspaper tommorow.

 

Balthazar Estrella is Slur's lover, and they were happy all day after they lived in Rosehill; they kept on dating every day, etc. Balthazar is of course from the Zenithian castle, but he was exiled because his family were secretly wanting to escape to the human world to show proof that humans, mazokus, elves and zenithians can live in peace and harmony. Then, the plan was found out by the Zenith dragon, the dragon killed his entire family, and exiled little Balthazar into the human world, which he only brought along his family's sacred weapon, Jack the Ripper, a knife made out of a mysterious crystal as its cutter. Luckily, Balthazar was raised by a scientist. He grew into a curious little boy, and his curiousty got him into drinking one potion by mistake. This potion gave him a supersonic speed, faster than anything in the world. Then, Balthazar grew up, but he had no place to go, no house or anything but his knife. Then, he was found near death by Slur, and he lived with Slur for days, till he fell in love with her. Then a couple was born.

 

The young angelic reporter has a short yellowish lime green hair, with a long tail reaching over his bosom, purple eyes which shimmered like the night sky. He has a pair of white swan like wings like any Zenithian has. He is dressed in olive green and yellow. He wears a matching boots to his shirt. He always shows up with a beautiful smile matching his starry eyes.

 

It was one fine day when Slur was helping setting up the festival for tommorow Night, which is the star bridge festival. When Saro noticed something was terribly wrong with the sky; it was not the real sky.

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There are many problems in grammar with this story. Switching from present tesne to past tense to second person to third person to first person.. It's too much to bear.

 

You also obviously haven't run it through spellcheck. "tommorow Night"? And things like "yellowish lime green" and "till" just sound awkward.

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There are many problems in grammar with this story. Switching from present tesne to past tense to second person to third person to first person.. It's too much to bear.

 

You also obviously haven't run it through spellcheck. "tommorow Night"? And things like "yellowish lime green" and "till" just sound awkward.

 

Nothing personal, but I could care less about breaking grammatical rules. The spellcheck I agree with, but yellowish lime green adds a distinct imagery. I find it entertaining, and so long as it remains coprehendible (comprehendable?), I don't fault it. This is why despite the fact I was an above average English student, I never retained that knowledge insofar as literature goes. The "merits" of, for example, the Grapes of Wrath are moot at best, IMO- no entertainment value tends to translate to no space on my bookshelf. (I will admit I enjoyed Thomas Hardy's Return of the Native- it was an enjoyable read and thought inspiring).

 

Again, I don't mean for this to be a personal attack- just my opinion.

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I mean yes grammar was a little touchy, but please. I mean she did pretty good. Why criticize someone for doing what they love please. Let her write. :overjoyed2:

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Guys, thanks for your support. Now I feel like writing the next chapter :heartslime:

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I mean yes grammar was a little touchy, but please. I mean she did pretty good. Why criticize someone for doing what they love please. Let her write. :overjoyed2:

 

I didn't say "Quit writing, you're an idiot", I said "Try to use spellcheck next time, and don't switch between viewpoints so much."

 

Big ol' difference.

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I mean yes grammar was a little touchy, but please. I mean she did pretty good. Why criticize someone for doing what they love please. Let her write. :overjoyed2:

 

I didn't say "Quit writing, you're an idiot", I said "Try to use spellcheck next time, and don't switch between viewpoints so much."

 

Big ol' difference.

 

No offense, but still, you sounded very blunt on how you wrote that point.

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You catch more flies with sugar, but you teach more flies with vinegar.

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OK. I suck at grammar of course, very badly. I will eat you if you make a snide remark about it. (I would accept some non blunt criticism though.)

 

Chapter 1

 

It was just a fine dawn before the Starry Bridge Festival. The festival is held

at the garden of the Crescent Penthouse. At the lush and green gardens on the roof, as if it

was near the skies which would reach to the castle in the sky. The librarian was raking the

withered leaves, as they scattered away into the bin. The librarian's ghostly maid, Sakura,

who had a long pony tail tied on her side of her head swiftly, like the wind sets up the booths for

volunteers to serve delicious snacks, such as the mouth freezing kakigori, mouth watering

takoyaki and the fluffy and easy to eat cotton candies were to be served there. Slur's beloved

pet monster cat and loyal companion, Hei. Hei was originally just a normal cat, but when Hei was

near death, he wanted to become a nekomata in order to live with Slur forever. The wish came true;

so, he gained a humanoid appearance, which resembles a boy in a Japanese school uniform, retains the golden

colored cat eyes, with cat ears and a split ended tail. He can revert back to his cat form at his

own will. He sat down at the edges of the flower beds, weeding and trimming the dead parts of

the luscious flowers Sakura planted and grew.

"Hei, can you bring the bag of dead leaves to the dump area and get a new plastic bag to collect

the garbage dear?" Slur kindly asked her cat, as he was a dog to do her orders.

"Yes ma'am!" Hei politely replied and in a flash of a second, he was gone with the plastic bag.

 

"Marianne? I..." Slur's speech was interrupted by a loud, angry thud of two footsteps of another

demon. It was Saro, he looked quite upset on his face as if one of his servants at his mansion

which was formerly a fortress disobeyed or refused his orders.

 

"Slur! I do not understand! Aren't you also a demon yourself?! How dare you did not notice

that the sky is abnormal!" Saro, exploded in anger. It looked like tears of fury was about to

spill out from his hell red colored eyes. But his eyes were not even watery at all.

 

"Saro! I see nothing wrong with this wonderful dawning sky. Also, isn't it time for you to back

to your coffin?!" Slur's anger was about as strong as the demon lord's.

 

"Lady Slur! Please do not fight with your closest friend again!" Sakura worriedly shouted as she

approached the arguement of the two demons.

 

Then, after Sakura's friendly word of attempt to stop the two, a small, clear blue colored slime

appeared at the foot of Saro's.

 

"Master! Didn't you already promise to never fight with Slur again? She is your best friend!"

The slime cried. "Also Rose will not be happy to see you two fight! She would start crying if

she was at the scene at this moment!"

 

"Balthazar would be absolutely upset if he was here as well!" Sakura, took a glance at the sky.

She did notice that sky is abnormal, indeed.

 

"My lady, what Saro said is true; the sky is not right..." Sakura sounded gravely serious by the

tone of her voice.

 

"...It must be my human side which is affecting it..." Slur sighed sadly.

 

Saro, he sounded slightly miffled, but said calmly, "You see?"

 

"But if I look beyond the fake sky, then into the space, let me tell your fortunes..." Slur,

calmly closed her evil-looking red eyes, and started whispering some sacred words. After a few

seconds, she opened her eyes.

 

"...This night, me, Saro, Balthazar and strangely Rose are going to defeat the ones responsible

for the fake sky...But...Why are we asked by the goddess, high up the sky to destroy the

fake sky...? I sense some kind of destiny in the front of us, my friend..." Slur, she sounded

rather sad in her usual elegant and soothing voice.

 

"Rose as well? Hmph, I don't think she is actually going out. I mean, I am probably going to

stay at my mansion, and gaze at the fake night sky." Saro, still sounded upset in his deep voice.

 

"...Its going to happen, Saro...Lets get ready for tonight..." Slur, switched from her sorrowful

voice to a serious, determined voice.

 

"Ma'am?! If you are going, then please be careful!" Hei started crying. He just did not want

Slur to get killed since Slur was like a mother to him.

 

"If your highness and Rose die, we and the inhabitants of Roseville will all be devastated!"

The slime jumped onto Saro, and he caught the little globby monster into his hands right on time.

 

"If we die, then I will always stay with Rose." Saro smiled.

 

"Good morning, my beloved Slur..." A voice appeared from behind Slur. It was Balthazar, he was

with his starry purple eyes like the heavens, but, unlike the usual way he appears, he did not

come with a smile.

 

"Ah, my dearest Balthazar...Have you noticed the sky...?" Slur went over to give Balthazar a hug,

then, Balthazar gave Slur a kiss on the cheek, then enrapped his girl with his wings.

 

"Anyways, I heard about the fortune you mentioned earlier. This is really strange..." Balthazar,

too sounded very serious.

 

"Your highness, Rose has arrived." Sakura, standing next to her was Rose, she also did not look

very happy.

 

"Saro, I noticed the skies too, it is replaced with the fake sky..." Rose, then started to fall

into tears; red rubies trickled from her eyes, then they shattered onto the floor.

 

"This would ruin the festival...Saro, Balthazar and Rose, you too. We are actually destined

to stop this madness!" Slur went inside the large mansion like house to get ready for the

following evening.

 

"Saro! I have to go destroy the fake sky with you?" Rose's eyes widened.

 

"Rose, according to Slur's star fortune telling, you are chosen. I am also chosen so I better go

back to my office to get myself pumped up..."

 

Suddenly, Rose started to smile a little bit, but she looked a little bit suspicious.

 

"Its finally time to show my skills," Rose's mental voice echoed through her mind.

 

"Rose?" Saro noticed her smile.

 

"Oh! It is nothing, really, nothing...Well, lets go back to the mansion to get ready should we?"

Rose answered back, but with some suspicious stutters.

 

"Rose? You are not like your usual self..." Saro thought.

 

The four chosen ones worked hard to get ready for the grueling night to save the sky and to save

the festival for everyone.

 

"Ready? My friends?" Slur casted Saro and Rose a magic to give them temporary flight.

 

"If we are ready, then go now." Saro selfishly talked back to Slur, as his silver hair shimmered

in the moonlight.

 

"...I think I should keep this as an anonoymous story since people will think I am joking..."

Balthazar started thinking if he should write about his adventure into his newspaper for tommorow.

 

Then, Slur got her broom, and flew away like a witch on the go, then Balthazar spreaded his

cloud white wings, and soared away with Slur. At last Saro and Rose held hands and used the

temporary flight magic and followed the angel and the witch.

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Here. Let me give you an example.

 

It was just a fine dawn before the Starry Bridge Festival. The festival is held

at the garden of the Crescent Penthouse. At the lush and green gardens on the roof, as if it

was near the skies which would reach to the castle in the sky. The librarian was raking the

withered leaves, as they scattered away into the bin.

 

Rewritten to

 

It was a fine dawn before the Starry Bridge Festival. The festival was held

at the garden of the Crescent Penthouse. At the lush and green gardens on

the roof, it was as if it could reach to the castle in the sky. The librarian

was raking the withered leaves, scattering them into the bin.

 

What's the difference between the two paragraphs? It doesn't keep switching tenses. "Was" and "is" should not be used interchangably; it breaks up the flow of the story and doesn't allow the reader to feel involved.

 

"As if it was near the skies which would reach to the castle in the sky" is a very run on sentence and doesn't make much sense. Try reading your story out loud before posting it; you'll be surprised at how strange it can often sound, even though it doesn't look that way.

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*yawns*

 

Sorry for the lack of updates...

 

I know its been like a month, just getting better ideas and such,

 

but I made two covers for this fanfic:

 

Cover 1

Cover 2

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