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NicholasTS

This is all me people

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This story begins in a strange magical world known as Ronos

On this world there is 4 major continents one is solou they are known

as the life of the planet the others have not been charted yet little is known about them besides the fact that there is unmarked life to be discoverd and that my frinds is were are story begins.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1 Alex, Sora, Jaster, and Sara

 

 

Alex wake up your going to be late for school, *Yawn* i don't see

the point of me going there is im way smarter then any of the morons there,

Well as long as your under my roof you well go by my rolls, *softly* then

maybe i should move, what was that, nothing mom, didn't think so now get

down here or you'll be late, OK OK ill be right down man she nags me so mutch,

what was that Alex, nothing. Man she has good hearing well better get down

stares hey mom what is for breathiest, well eggs sausage and bacon, wow really,

yep after all today is your big day, (in head) oh ya today's the day of the final

exam for my sword training if i pass this i well be appraised by the king and i

will be able to go out on my own.

 

Somewhere else in the world we come to our next adventure hes name is Sora. hiya

take that, whoa Sora take it easy man your going to do great on your test in

martial arts today, how do you know, i took the test to you know its not as bad

as people make it sound its just a matter of how you face it, rally Ive herd

people have died from it and you know im the lowest in my class i don't think

i can do it, well Sora the only reason your the lowest in your class is because

you kept doing pranks as long as you take this serious you well do great, HIYA!!

like you said never drop your guard, nice one sora lets go eat som- ,

sorry don't have time got to get to class.

 

Jaster wake u man were going to be late for school, what again man if im late again

im not going to be able to graduate in archery like i wanted to, then lets go, OK

let me get my bow real fast $#!& what did you do with my bow man, nothing i swear

look in the closet, OK if its no their you better run for it *rustling sound* ha

found it your lucky, man why do you always think stuff is my fault, because most of

the time it is your fault now lets go.

 

Sara time to get up , *YAWN* yes mother, what's with the formalities, ok be right down mom, ok that's better so you ready for your big magic test today you know the kings going

to be there, really i better do good then (in head) like i care what that fat pig thinks

of me, Sara lets go you don't want to be late, hold on mom im still eating ok be ready

in ten minutes or else you well be late and you remember what happened last you were late,

ya ya i wont be late this time calm down, ok but hurry, ok done love you mom off to

school, ok see you tonight.

 

Alex ready, yes sir, Ryan ready, yes sir, begen, (Both Ryan and Alex) HAAAAAAA after several minutes Alex comes up on top and is sent to speak with the king, your majesty you summoned me, yes Young Alex I have been watching you for a very long time you've grown allot, thank you sir but why have you beckoned for me, ah right well i have decided to send you on a very important mission to go to another land, but sir i don't think im ready for that, you must have trust in yourself young Alex, yes sir wean do you want me to leave, be ready in to weeks once that time has passed come to me and be ready to go, yes sir, your dismissed go, sir (few hours later) hey mom im home, hey buddy your home how did it go, .... the king umm he well he wants me to go to a foreign country, WHAT!!!!, mom calm down, how can i calm down my son is going to a place were none have gone before, mom this is an hounor for me plus im not going for a week, ya your right i guss i just dont want my liltel boy to go wait i guss i cant call you my litle boy anmore can i, no mother i well always be your litel boy

 

ok people i tried hard on this be honst and tell me if you like it

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Okay first of all it seems promsing, however it was a little confusing to get through. I'm okay with all the spelling errors but everything was jumbled together, especially dialogue. Line breaks (pushing enter) would signify the fact if another person started talking. It's also good for moving on to another idea. Quote marks help too. If you need an editor email me @ matthewhorvath@yahoo.com or StriffenCloud@aim.com I check yahoo more though. Anyway, the grammar aside, this seems great. :wd_coolslime:

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ok people i fixed this up a bit tell me how it is now

 

 

 

 

 

 

This story begins in a strange magical world known as Ronos. On this world there is 4 major continents. One is solou it is known as the life of the planet the others have not been charted yet. Little is known about them besides the fact that there is unmarked life to be discoverd. That my frinds is were are story begins.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1 Alex, Sora, Jaster, and Sara

 

 

Alex wake up your going to be late for school. *Yawn* i don't see the point of me going there im way smarter then any of the morons there. Well as long as your under my roof you well go by my rolls. *Softly* then maybe i should move. What was that, nothing mom, didn't think so now get down here or you'll be late. OK OK ill be right down man she nags me so mutch. What was that Alex, nothing. Man she has good hearing well better get down stares hey mom what is for breathiest, well eggs sausage and bacon, wow really. Yep after all today is your big day, (in head) oh ya today's the day of the final exam for my sword training if i pass this i well be appraised by the king and i will be able to go out on my own.

 

Some where else in the world we come to our next adventure hes name is Sora. Hiya take that, whoa Sora take it easy man your going to do great on your test in martial arts today. How do you know, i took the test to you know its not as bad as people make it sound its just a matter of how you face it. Really Ive herd people have died from it and you know im the lowest in my class i don't think i can do it, well Sora the only reason your the lowest in your class is because you kept doing pranks as long as you take this serious you well do great. HIYA!! Like you said never drop your guard, nice one sora lets go eat som- ,sorry don't have time got to get to class.

 

Jaster wake man were going to be late for school, what again man if im late again im not going to be able to graduate in archery like i wanted to. Then lets go, OK let me get my bow real fast $#!& what did you do with my bow man. Nothing i swear look in the closet, OK if its no their you better run for it *rustling sound* ha found it your lucky. Man why do you always think stuff is my fault, because most of the time it is your fault now lets go.

 

Sara time to get up , *YAWN* yes mother, what's with the formalities, ok be right down mom. Ok that's better so you ready for your big magic test today you know the kings goingto be there. Really i better do good then (in head) like i care what that fat pig thinks of me, Sara you have go you don't want to be late. Hold on mom im still eating ok be ready in ten minutes or else you well be late and you remember what happened last time you were late, ya ya i wont be late this time calm down. Ok but hurry, ok done love you mom off to school, ok see you tonight.

 

Alex ready, yes sir, Ryan ready, yes sir, begen, (Both Ryan and Alex) HAAAAAAA after several minutes Alex comes up on top and is sent to speak with the king. Your majesty you summoned for me, yes Young Alex I have been watching you for a very long time you've grown allot. Thank you sir but why did you summon for me, ah right well i have decided to send you on a very important mission to go to another land. But sir i don't think im ready for that, you must have trust in yourself young Alex. Yes sir wean do you want me to leave, be ready in two weeks once that time has passed come to me and be ready to go. Yes sir, your dismissed go, sir (few hours later) hey mom im home, hey buddy your home how did it go, .... the king umm he well he wants me to go to a foreign country. WHAT!!!!, mom calm down, how can i calm down my son is going to a place were no one has gone before, mom this is an hounor for me plus im not going for a week. Ya your right i guss i just don't want my little boy to go wait i guss i cant call you my little boy anmore can i, no mother i well always be your little boy

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Cool, nice story. I'd like to see it as it evolves. If your serious about this story, don't let any critisism get to you. Just learn from it, and take it into practice. Goodjob!

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I agree. It's much better now. I'm pretty sure you'll go far. Just remember about that dialog. I'm pulling for you!

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wen will u do more?

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