Twas the Night Before Questmas
by Clement Sea-Slime Moore
Twas the night before Questmas, and just at that time,
No monster was stirring, not even a slime!
The stockings were hung by the chimney with cheer,
But we slimes have no feet, so that is just weird.
The slime drops were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of monster battles danced in their heads. And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I, my slime cap, Had just settled down for an eight hour nap.
When out in the yard came a thund'rous noise and I sprang from my bed, chose the Defend command. I clammered to the window. I sped with a flash. Tore open the shutters, poised, ready to slash!
The moon was a crescent, it lit up the snow, With a lustre of mid-day, for those that would know. When guess what I saw! I assure, I ain't braggin' But a party of heroes, along with a wagon.
With a jolly, stout driver, a voice full of echo, I knew in a moment it must be Torneko! And the leader, himself, with lochs spiked and green, He brandished his sword, with a glare that looked mean.
"Now Kiryl! Now Ragnar! Borya, Alena! On Maya, Torneko, on Sparkie and Meena! Search the top of that hill, those trees and that wall. And slash away! Slash away! Slash away all!"
"Monsters are near. In their deaths we will revel, For the next boss is hard, and we simply must level!" So up toward the slime house, the party they tread, Their advance on my fam'ly did fill me with dread.
But I readied my slime armor, best as it fit, On my mushy slime body. I dare not yet quit. For many a hero would lay down their life, To rescue their sleeping slime children and wife.
Brandishing a dagger, I slipped out in silence. Snuck up on Kiryl and enacted some violence. He fell fast, like a brick, hit the ground with a WHACK! I dare say he hadn't the time to cast Thwack.
Meena was next, yet what I sure didn't need, Was a ball made of crystal, for her future, to read. Were she as good as they say at telling one's fate, Verily, she would have known what was in wait....
Torneko approached with his corpulent inflation, took out some horse manure for close examination. He was a cinch to take down, no need to abort, Pray, was more likely to sell me some boxer shorts.
Alena charged in with a screaming attack, with one final kick, I was knocked on my back! We struggled for minutes, but I bested her tricks, For I'm a Slime Arena Champion of DQVI.
With four knocked unconscious I was drawing the crowd They were onto me now, and their banter was loud. When what to my wondering eyes would appear, A sleigh full of gifts, Chris Cringle, and reindeer.
"Santa," bellowed the lout, with green hair, "get thee gone from this battle! I pray-thee, be fair! For we do not wish, any harm come to ye, I beseech thee Chris Cringle to hurry and flee."
"You dolts!" shouted Cringle, "call off this advance, or my wrath you'll endure for this ill-fated dance. Away with your weapons. Leave these poor slimes be. And I may show mercy on fools such as thee."
"It's Questmas you see. Monster deaths, I forbid it. If you don't walk away, you'll regret that you didn't. You should all be merry with cheer, not for battles. Leave us right now, lest your bones surely rattle.
"You and what army?" the knight Ragnar shouted. "You want to take us all? I highly doubt it. Let's all calm down," silently the knight drew a knife. "I have a present for you, Santa, you bet your life."
But Chris Cringle was ready for his clever ruse. What the poor knight knew not was St. Nick couldn't lose. And Santa, surprisingly spry for his size, Withdrew his steel blade, with fire in his eyes.
And the beating he threw them would shock the whole nation. Except in North America, it was canceled for Playstation. But let thee not worry for soon we'd be bless'd. With just 5 more years, 'til it was out on DS.
With the brutality ended, the party wiped out, An overturned wagon, the sole proof of the bout. They fled to the hills, shouting cries of "Mercy!" Santa just laughed, said "I could have done worse t'ye."
And he turned to me then, his rage extinguished from sight. "You're fine now little slime. You put up a good fight. Back to your fam'ly, get some rest, a cup of tea. Maybe then think about beefing up your security."
He mounted his sleigh, his dropped hat I retrieved it. I had a feeling my fam'ly would never believe it. Yet I heard him exclaim, er he roared out of sight. "Happy Questmas to all, and to all a goo-night!"